I upgraded as a way of lessening your worry about taking off the time you need. But I really don't think you will lose subscribers if you don't write for a while. Everyone should understand.
Another thing we have in common: infertility. I had a million injections and IUIs, that all resulted in exactly one pregnancy that was ectopic and two weeks after I found out I was prego, I was rushed into surgery to remove it and save the tube, though it didn’t wind up mattering. I couldn’t get pregnant again after that, after trying several more rounds of IUIs. IVF was not covered by my health insurance and we were dead-ass broke.
My daughter (that was what I felt in my gut) would have been 17 this past June. Mind-blowing.
But here’s the real point of my comment: THANK YOU for telling us. I harbor no bad feelings toward anyone who announces a pregnancy (my husband and I only scowl at those who abuse or neglect their children, often saying, “and WE couldn’t have kids!”). I for one would have wondered where the heck you went off to. But thank you for your sensitivity and care (I’m getting to know that as a real trait of yours).
Lastly, congratulations, my new friend. You have my infertile childless permission to free yourself from feeling bad about your announcement (not that you need it!). Bask in the glow ☺️💛
Aw thank you Amy, I'm surprised we got through our whole chat without talking about this. I know everyone reacts very differently, and I have seen a whole range of pain and acceptance along all parts of the journey. I try not to project my annoncement-hatred on all people who have experienced infertility, hah, and I'm glad you don't have it like I do :).
I'm thinking of your would-be 17 year-old, and also of you.
As an infertile, childless person who flunked IVF I appreciate your sensitivity but I would suggest you not worry about the rest of us to the detriment of your own joy. I failed at having children, I grieved so hard and then I made a deliberate choice to move forward and find other ways to enrich my life. I am genuinely very happy for you without any twinge of sadness on my own behalf. Please trust that it can get easier.
That is wonderful, Jane, and inspiring to hear--I'm sure you gain a lot through the journey. The truth is, with where I am in my own journey, it just wouldn't feel real or right to express unbridled joy with no reservations, even if I wasn't thinking about anyone else. There's just a legacy of sadness around the whole topic for me, and it will be interesting to see how that evolves as life goes on.
I’m not sure I have the words to accurately capture all that’s held here. I’m witnessing the real pain of the process and also the great joy of this new life. Wishing you moments of ease and rest in the days ahead and a cozy cocoon around the blossoming relationship between you and your child. ❤️❤️
I truly loved this pregnancy announcement. So nuanced and real and complicated. And while I am grateful not to have experienced infertility, I relate to the messiness of things that are joyous in life and the reality that nothing is that simple. Thank you!
Indeed, nothing is simple! I do appreciate the chance to try and capture some of the conflict and nuance, versus posting a photo of my "bump" on instagram. Thanks for reading!
I struggled with my announcements for both kids as well, even if my reasons were focused mostly on the weirdness of the online ecosystem (they’re 12 and 10 now so it was earlier in the whole living online era). I have been hyper conscious about sharing my children online, don’t post their pictures, don’t share anything identifying beyond their names, and even that is rare. I want them to grow up away from the glare of the internet and come to it more formed, after they’ve made their mistakes and built their personalities and ideas up.
But yes, I basically met people while I was 8 months pregnant or waking around with infant strollers and was like ‘yeah, it’s a baby’ 🤷🏽♀️
{{{waves hand}}} as one who has also been through the infertility wars. Yes to every word of this, Rae. EVERY. WORD. Wishing you and your family all the best. We'll all be here when you return.
Lol--I think that's so cryptic that most wouldn't understand...which is definitely a way to make it least hurtful! Love that you're bringing humor to this :)
This post broke my heart in new ways, Rae. I cried for you but celebrated your clarity and courage and thank you for the catharsis. Thank you also for expanding my understanding of the many manifestations of maternity. I feel so small in that arena and so grateful for your teachings.
Firstly, congratulations on your wonderful news! As chaotic and complicated as it might feel, I hope you can continue find little pockets of happiness during this time 💛
I write this as I lie next to my three month old son, also the result of IVF treatment. My eight year old is asleep in the next room and it took us seven years to bring her baby brother home. In that time we lost our first son during pregnancy, had multiple miscarriages and fought so hard to understand how and why. So announcing the pregnancy was hard. Experiencing the pregnancy was hard. But I knew it would be our last try so I did allow myself days of hopefulness between days of anxiety and frustration and the whole other myriad of emotions that pregnancy after a fertility struggle brings. I wish the same for you 🌼
Sarah, thanks for writing, and what a story! I'm sure there were so many phases during those seven years, and I appreciate you sharing. Sending love to your baby boy!
You’ve helped me to understand someone I love dearly in a much deeper way just by sharing this, so while I know it wasn’t the direct intention, I’m super grateful. Thank you a million and congratulations on the impending arrival of your little girl 💚
I am so heartened to hear that it had this effect for you. One of the hardest things for me in the first few years of the journey was trying to explain what the hell was going on with me to people I loved who were rightly confused. So if I could help do that for someone else, with the benefit of some hindsight, then I feel really awesome about that. Thanks for writing!
Thank you for sharing your beautiful news Rae. Words are important, stories are important and our journeys through solidify our empathy for others for sure. Congrats to your little family! ✨💕🙌🏻
Congratulations! Thank you for sharing all of this. You have confirmed my own feelings about how insensitive the plethora of pregnancy announcements on social media must be to those longing for pregnancy who have complications of all kinds regarding getting pregnant. While I am happy for the couple, or single person, making the announcement, so many of them feel so “in your face” in the way they are made. Others while not over the top still bring up grief and longing for others. Does that mean they should not be made? Of course not, but I think sensitivity and awareness is always a good thing.
My oldest daughter went through the IVF journey. It is not an easy path, and filled with after effects that last long beyond the process. I’m grateful she was able to have a daughter this way, a daughter now into her twenties, but I know the price my daughter paid.
I wish you the very best, and I will be here after your sabbatical. I applaud your decision to take such a leave. Again, congratulations!
Thank you, Sally. Yes, I think that people have every right to share their joy and the desire to do so is totally understandable, and at the same time it's worth being aware of some of the likely consequences. Thanks for sharing your daughter's story and for bringing awareness to the topic!
Congrats!
I upgraded as a way of lessening your worry about taking off the time you need. But I really don't think you will lose subscribers if you don't write for a while. Everyone should understand.
Wow, thank you so much David, I appreciate this so much! <3
Another thing we have in common: infertility. I had a million injections and IUIs, that all resulted in exactly one pregnancy that was ectopic and two weeks after I found out I was prego, I was rushed into surgery to remove it and save the tube, though it didn’t wind up mattering. I couldn’t get pregnant again after that, after trying several more rounds of IUIs. IVF was not covered by my health insurance and we were dead-ass broke.
My daughter (that was what I felt in my gut) would have been 17 this past June. Mind-blowing.
But here’s the real point of my comment: THANK YOU for telling us. I harbor no bad feelings toward anyone who announces a pregnancy (my husband and I only scowl at those who abuse or neglect their children, often saying, “and WE couldn’t have kids!”). I for one would have wondered where the heck you went off to. But thank you for your sensitivity and care (I’m getting to know that as a real trait of yours).
Lastly, congratulations, my new friend. You have my infertile childless permission to free yourself from feeling bad about your announcement (not that you need it!). Bask in the glow ☺️💛
Aw thank you Amy, I'm surprised we got through our whole chat without talking about this. I know everyone reacts very differently, and I have seen a whole range of pain and acceptance along all parts of the journey. I try not to project my annoncement-hatred on all people who have experienced infertility, hah, and I'm glad you don't have it like I do :).
I'm thinking of your would-be 17 year-old, and also of you.
As an infertile, childless person who flunked IVF I appreciate your sensitivity but I would suggest you not worry about the rest of us to the detriment of your own joy. I failed at having children, I grieved so hard and then I made a deliberate choice to move forward and find other ways to enrich my life. I am genuinely very happy for you without any twinge of sadness on my own behalf. Please trust that it can get easier.
That is wonderful, Jane, and inspiring to hear--I'm sure you gain a lot through the journey. The truth is, with where I am in my own journey, it just wouldn't feel real or right to express unbridled joy with no reservations, even if I wasn't thinking about anyone else. There's just a legacy of sadness around the whole topic for me, and it will be interesting to see how that evolves as life goes on.
That’s completely fair, I understand what you’re saying.
I’m not sure I have the words to accurately capture all that’s held here. I’m witnessing the real pain of the process and also the great joy of this new life. Wishing you moments of ease and rest in the days ahead and a cozy cocoon around the blossoming relationship between you and your child. ❤️❤️
A sincere thank-you, Kim 😭😭
Thanks for sharing with us Rae. What a journey, the feelings are all valid. Enjoy your time ❤️❤️❤️
Thanks for the validation, Bethany, I can always use more of that *sigh*
You are not alone in that. 😏
I truly loved this pregnancy announcement. So nuanced and real and complicated. And while I am grateful not to have experienced infertility, I relate to the messiness of things that are joyous in life and the reality that nothing is that simple. Thank you!
Indeed, nothing is simple! I do appreciate the chance to try and capture some of the conflict and nuance, versus posting a photo of my "bump" on instagram. Thanks for reading!
I struggled with my announcements for both kids as well, even if my reasons were focused mostly on the weirdness of the online ecosystem (they’re 12 and 10 now so it was earlier in the whole living online era). I have been hyper conscious about sharing my children online, don’t post their pictures, don’t share anything identifying beyond their names, and even that is rare. I want them to grow up away from the glare of the internet and come to it more formed, after they’ve made their mistakes and built their personalities and ideas up.
But yes, I basically met people while I was 8 months pregnant or waking around with infant strollers and was like ‘yeah, it’s a baby’ 🤷🏽♀️
{{{waves hand}}} as one who has also been through the infertility wars. Yes to every word of this, Rae. EVERY. WORD. Wishing you and your family all the best. We'll all be here when you return.
Thanks for the well-wishes and for sticking around...and for being in the trenches with me.
Hi Rae. Suggestion: Start a contest here in the comments for the least hurtful pregnancy announcement. I'll start.
"New browser extension on the way."
Lol--I think that's so cryptic that most wouldn't understand...which is definitely a way to make it least hurtful! Love that you're bringing humor to this :)
If I put a smile on your face it makes my day. All the best!
This post broke my heart in new ways, Rae. I cried for you but celebrated your clarity and courage and thank you for the catharsis. Thank you also for expanding my understanding of the many manifestations of maternity. I feel so small in that arena and so grateful for your teachings.
Aw dad you're killing me here. 🧡🧡🧡
Firstly, congratulations on your wonderful news! As chaotic and complicated as it might feel, I hope you can continue find little pockets of happiness during this time 💛
I write this as I lie next to my three month old son, also the result of IVF treatment. My eight year old is asleep in the next room and it took us seven years to bring her baby brother home. In that time we lost our first son during pregnancy, had multiple miscarriages and fought so hard to understand how and why. So announcing the pregnancy was hard. Experiencing the pregnancy was hard. But I knew it would be our last try so I did allow myself days of hopefulness between days of anxiety and frustration and the whole other myriad of emotions that pregnancy after a fertility struggle brings. I wish the same for you 🌼
Sarah, thanks for writing, and what a story! I'm sure there were so many phases during those seven years, and I appreciate you sharing. Sending love to your baby boy!
You’ve helped me to understand someone I love dearly in a much deeper way just by sharing this, so while I know it wasn’t the direct intention, I’m super grateful. Thank you a million and congratulations on the impending arrival of your little girl 💚
I am so heartened to hear that it had this effect for you. One of the hardest things for me in the first few years of the journey was trying to explain what the hell was going on with me to people I loved who were rightly confused. So if I could help do that for someone else, with the benefit of some hindsight, then I feel really awesome about that. Thanks for writing!
Thank you for sharing your beautiful news Rae. Words are important, stories are important and our journeys through solidify our empathy for others for sure. Congrats to your little family! ✨💕🙌🏻
🧡🧡🧡
Big hugs for the whole messy journey and so much excitement for your growing family. <3
Thanks Kathryn :)
Congratulations! Thank you for sharing all of this. You have confirmed my own feelings about how insensitive the plethora of pregnancy announcements on social media must be to those longing for pregnancy who have complications of all kinds regarding getting pregnant. While I am happy for the couple, or single person, making the announcement, so many of them feel so “in your face” in the way they are made. Others while not over the top still bring up grief and longing for others. Does that mean they should not be made? Of course not, but I think sensitivity and awareness is always a good thing.
My oldest daughter went through the IVF journey. It is not an easy path, and filled with after effects that last long beyond the process. I’m grateful she was able to have a daughter this way, a daughter now into her twenties, but I know the price my daughter paid.
I wish you the very best, and I will be here after your sabbatical. I applaud your decision to take such a leave. Again, congratulations!
Thank you, Sally. Yes, I think that people have every right to share their joy and the desire to do so is totally understandable, and at the same time it's worth being aware of some of the likely consequences. Thanks for sharing your daughter's story and for bringing awareness to the topic!
Congratulations! What a kind and thoughtful way to share this news.
Thanks Alexandra :)
Mazel tov, Mamaleh!
😊🧡