You should meditate you should jog you should track your heart rate variability you should keep a gratitude journal you should do healing visualizations you should drink more water you should spend mo
Hey everyone - I haven't been able to respond to all these amazing comments between baby feeds and naps, but I just wanted to say THANK YOU for reading and for all the sentiments shared here. I love venturing outside my normal style and I liked how this one turned out, but I didn't know if it would work well for others. It is so rewarding to hear how much it resonated with you.
THISTHISTHIS. I vacillate so much between “do all the things, decipher this message, unlock the mystery” to “oh FFS, I’m tired of none of this crap working - hand me that chocolate croissant.” I spend most of my time in the former, and I have made the very slightest of gains. There’s some sort of balance here that we’re not finding easily, we chronically ill marvels. Really quieting down the rest of life and all its noises competing for our attention so we can fully tune in to what our bodies are saying feels impossible most days. And I’m one of the fortunate ones in that I have a partner and disability benefits (and sometimes those are the things that need to get quieter too).
I have struggled with this. I have written about this. I have cried about this. Nothing works. It all works. It's controllable. It's out of my control. My body is only mine when I focus, give all of myself to maintaining its existence. It's exhausting. My body is only mine when I let go, forget myself entirely and live in the moment. It's freeing.
Forever fights, forever balance and imbalance, forever unknown.
There is no right answer, no wrong one either. It's all just a series of choices—micro-level, often. Do I stand up? Do I uncurl my legs? Do I eat now? Which part of me do I serve at this very second?
Yes, i’ve observed that dealing with my body, especially when I’m in a flare is like dealing with a toddler. I coax and it has a meltdown, or suddenly smiles and cooperates before sitting down and refusing to move. Like a lot of harried mums I’ve learned ‘it is what it is’ and also I feel exasperated: ‘look, can we just finish the shopping, please? I’ll even buy you an ice-cream?’ At the moment I’m working on simply believing my body rather than trying to argue it out of every experience à la ‘you’re not that tired’, ‘you can’t be dehydrated again already’, ‘surely you don’t need another nap?’ etc. The answers seem to be yes, yes and yes so I can save precious energy by just believing myself. Phew! Thank you for capturing that flavour of struggle so vividly and poetically. I’m glad you have your forest ❤️
My tried and true way to navigate living in a body that never feels quite “right?” After decades of deciding what “right” should feel like and pursuing it in every way imaginable, now “right” is exactly as she is. My only task is to pay attention, allow, embrace. 🙏💛
After a long and complex relationship with food, my new scale is, "how much did I enjoy eating that?" Not the kind of enjoyment that comes just from the taste buds, but from the nurturing and the nourishment as well. Because I find that I have to be 100% present in order to engage my entire body and truly enjoy something. This means blocking out all the noise that accompanies this shoulds. Not easy but so worth it.
Yes! When I listen to my oldish body and do as suggested---stretch stretch stretch, for instance, or “sleep now!”I feel better altogether. Body and I also like waking up with: what are you waiting for? Go pee, right now or your next nightmare is going to involve flooding!
What would happen if we did lead with our body? Listened to it. Prioritise its needs. What would happen if we became friends with it?
It feels like this way of being has been something I “resorted” to after 20 years of the opposite. For the first 4 years this felt like a full time job. 24/7. Hard work (but so was the pain, the suffering). Post 4 years it became my way of life.
Now I’m enjoying the health benefits that medically I’m told isn’t possible. And, well if they are, then I can’t have been that ill. My symptoms must have been mild. Been few. I must have got lucky. Had a great team of physicians.. someone paying all my bills. Etc.
But what if the recovery isn’t in the “what we do//have//don’t have” but in the way that we approach it?
How did you get inside my brain? For every purity test it seems there are four to cancel it out. I can’t make sense of most guidance that involves health or my body these days.
I love what happens to the word "body" throughout this piece! By the end, I was reading it and hearing it echo in my mind in a completely new way from when the piece began. Beautiful poetry, Rachel! <3
Agh... this constant argument with the body is so accurate! It is so bloody hard to feel like we’re doing it all wrong all the time because we’re not doing all the things. Sometimes we just want to eat the chocolate without thinking about what it’s doing to The Body 😂 thank you x
I didn't count how many times the term "the body" was mentioned in your essay, but it was a lot. It's understandable; we try to be well and we long for the days when being well was our normal state. I'm hoping to read more of your posts, and especially about your spirit, your intuition, your soul. The spirit is elusive, and we rarely talk or write about it. It's something that other cultures (and I imagine children) develop and think and experience more than we do.
Hey everyone - I haven't been able to respond to all these amazing comments between baby feeds and naps, but I just wanted to say THANK YOU for reading and for all the sentiments shared here. I love venturing outside my normal style and I liked how this one turned out, but I didn't know if it would work well for others. It is so rewarding to hear how much it resonated with you.
Sending love to all of you!
Rachel
THISTHISTHIS. I vacillate so much between “do all the things, decipher this message, unlock the mystery” to “oh FFS, I’m tired of none of this crap working - hand me that chocolate croissant.” I spend most of my time in the former, and I have made the very slightest of gains. There’s some sort of balance here that we’re not finding easily, we chronically ill marvels. Really quieting down the rest of life and all its noises competing for our attention so we can fully tune in to what our bodies are saying feels impossible most days. And I’m one of the fortunate ones in that I have a partner and disability benefits (and sometimes those are the things that need to get quieter too).
Yes. 1000%. So beautiful.
I have struggled with this. I have written about this. I have cried about this. Nothing works. It all works. It's controllable. It's out of my control. My body is only mine when I focus, give all of myself to maintaining its existence. It's exhausting. My body is only mine when I let go, forget myself entirely and live in the moment. It's freeing.
Forever fights, forever balance and imbalance, forever unknown.
There is no right answer, no wrong one either. It's all just a series of choices—micro-level, often. Do I stand up? Do I uncurl my legs? Do I eat now? Which part of me do I serve at this very second?
Yes, i’ve observed that dealing with my body, especially when I’m in a flare is like dealing with a toddler. I coax and it has a meltdown, or suddenly smiles and cooperates before sitting down and refusing to move. Like a lot of harried mums I’ve learned ‘it is what it is’ and also I feel exasperated: ‘look, can we just finish the shopping, please? I’ll even buy you an ice-cream?’ At the moment I’m working on simply believing my body rather than trying to argue it out of every experience à la ‘you’re not that tired’, ‘you can’t be dehydrated again already’, ‘surely you don’t need another nap?’ etc. The answers seem to be yes, yes and yes so I can save precious energy by just believing myself. Phew! Thank you for capturing that flavour of struggle so vividly and poetically. I’m glad you have your forest ❤️
My tried and true way to navigate living in a body that never feels quite “right?” After decades of deciding what “right” should feel like and pursuing it in every way imaginable, now “right” is exactly as she is. My only task is to pay attention, allow, embrace. 🙏💛
After a long and complex relationship with food, my new scale is, "how much did I enjoy eating that?" Not the kind of enjoyment that comes just from the taste buds, but from the nurturing and the nourishment as well. Because I find that I have to be 100% present in order to engage my entire body and truly enjoy something. This means blocking out all the noise that accompanies this shoulds. Not easy but so worth it.
Yes! When I listen to my oldish body and do as suggested---stretch stretch stretch, for instance, or “sleep now!”I feel better altogether. Body and I also like waking up with: what are you waiting for? Go pee, right now or your next nightmare is going to involve flooding!
What would happen if we did lead with our body? Listened to it. Prioritise its needs. What would happen if we became friends with it?
It feels like this way of being has been something I “resorted” to after 20 years of the opposite. For the first 4 years this felt like a full time job. 24/7. Hard work (but so was the pain, the suffering). Post 4 years it became my way of life.
Now I’m enjoying the health benefits that medically I’m told isn’t possible. And, well if they are, then I can’t have been that ill. My symptoms must have been mild. Been few. I must have got lucky. Had a great team of physicians.. someone paying all my bills. Etc.
But what if the recovery isn’t in the “what we do//have//don’t have” but in the way that we approach it?
How did you get inside my brain? For every purity test it seems there are four to cancel it out. I can’t make sense of most guidance that involves health or my body these days.
Ok but really you should drink more water.
I love what happens to the word "body" throughout this piece! By the end, I was reading it and hearing it echo in my mind in a completely new way from when the piece began. Beautiful poetry, Rachel! <3
This might be the most magical thing I've ever seen you write. I'm transfixed.
This is the best ode to the ailing body ever written. Riveting and brutally honest 💔
I love this so much.
Agh... this constant argument with the body is so accurate! It is so bloody hard to feel like we’re doing it all wrong all the time because we’re not doing all the things. Sometimes we just want to eat the chocolate without thinking about what it’s doing to The Body 😂 thank you x
I didn't count how many times the term "the body" was mentioned in your essay, but it was a lot. It's understandable; we try to be well and we long for the days when being well was our normal state. I'm hoping to read more of your posts, and especially about your spirit, your intuition, your soul. The spirit is elusive, and we rarely talk or write about it. It's something that other cultures (and I imagine children) develop and think and experience more than we do.