9 weeks into a new baby and I 100% relate to everything you have written! I keep a to-do list to try to pretend I have control over my day, but in reality the baby is in control, and it’s good to remind myself that’s okay for this stage of life.
Life update in 5 words: Moving soon to seek well-being.
I had three babies within 4-1/2 years. Swiss cheese brain, indeed. My husband would come home from work and ask what I did that day, and all I could respond with was “I kept the kids alive…and I folded three shirts, I think…”
I still have startlingly little memory of what was going on in the outside world between 2000 and 2010. I think there was 9/11, and Barack Obama…and the Lord of the Rings movies and that’s about it.
4 years later I still haven’t made a book of baby pictures I wanted to make when my daughter was born. I made a whole other baby in that time, but no book. Proof that these books aren’t all as easy as they seem.
My “babies” are 24 & 20. The first slept for 2 hours max at a time for the first 2 years. I was brain dead for 2 years. It was a weird & intense time. And not unlike the menopause brain fog I’m now experiencing 🫥
If you take every instance of baby and infant in your essay and replace it with cat, this essay could be about the 24-hour care of my cat who just underwent a partial mastectomy. And it threw me into a chronic illness flare. I give you human mamas a whole lot of respect.
Aw the bit you are in is the best part. Enjoy that snuggle and snuffle as they rest on your chest. I miss it like an ache. Try to carry on not worrying about achieving. The achieving is that you are both mostly clean mostly wearing clothes and mostly fed. 🥰
Life update in five words or less: Glimmer of awakening from wintering.
It's been awhile for me since babies, but I can related to the whole notion of feeling like you're somehow not 'doing' something--even though you are busy doing every moment. Just not the stuff we were taught was valuable. I wish I could go back and not be so hard on myself and enjoy the moments you're describing now. I had no idea how precious and fast they go. I just wanted them to hurry up and be over so I could get back to 'doing' what I thought was so important. Yet, in hindsight, was the least important thing in my life. The beauty of growing older and having the wisdom and insight I completely lacked back then!
It is like being in the washing machine on perpetual rinse!!! I have two or three glistening memories that are clear from that period of time — singing him Dolly Parton, and the one time he took a long enough nap for me to do a full hour of yoga. I found the whole process so confusing and brutal — but I was also deepest in my full identification with productivity as the sole purpose of my existence. I wonder what I would be like if I went through it again now that I’ve had some time to deprogram? Probably still brutal 😂
I love all you described. It brings me back to that magical time of babyhood. The second one’s photo album never did get done for me. Now she’s 30 and I’ve forgotten so much. You are doing the most important thing right now, and there is no need to get anything else done. This magical time is enough in my book. Cherish it now.
At 16 weeks postpartum I still wasn't capable of writing anything longer than a tweet, and I took notes about the essays I've read so that I wouldn't completely forget that I'd read anything at all. That's when I discovered crocheting, it was the perfect creative act for my mental capacity at that time.
Baby #2 is coming in around a month, and I don't expect myself to think logically for the next half a year, but I'm open to getting pleasantly surprised.
When I feel my baby (1 year this week) taking over the space where my _wits_ would normally be, I like to imagine that what I am doing—teaching his little brain that he is safe—is creative work.
Congrats Rachel on getting anything written with a new baby! You’re absolutely right: time just melts when you’re taking care of the kids. Days just disappear when I’m taking care of my toddlers (2 and 3). Trying to maintain a writing schedule along with work and caretaking is very difficult indeed. Looking forward to reading more of your work!
Rachel! I’m 4 weeks postpartum and this. is. IT! One giant run-on sentence. I keep referencing photos of baby #1 to reconstruct a timeline for when things started feeling normal again?! Thank you for putting pen to paper on this ♥️
Thank you for sharing your honest thoughts. So refreshing.
One bit of wisdom from a newly crowned grandma...
Consider viewing things that "should be done" or "have to ..." as things that you "get" to do (like it's an honor or privilege). Things may still not get done, but the smiles that come from being in control are precious.
9 weeks into a new baby and I 100% relate to everything you have written! I keep a to-do list to try to pretend I have control over my day, but in reality the baby is in control, and it’s good to remind myself that’s okay for this stage of life.
Life update in 5 words: Moving soon to seek well-being.
I had three babies within 4-1/2 years. Swiss cheese brain, indeed. My husband would come home from work and ask what I did that day, and all I could respond with was “I kept the kids alive…and I folded three shirts, I think…”
I still have startlingly little memory of what was going on in the outside world between 2000 and 2010. I think there was 9/11, and Barack Obama…and the Lord of the Rings movies and that’s about it.
4 years later I still haven’t made a book of baby pictures I wanted to make when my daughter was born. I made a whole other baby in that time, but no book. Proof that these books aren’t all as easy as they seem.
My “babies” are 24 & 20. The first slept for 2 hours max at a time for the first 2 years. I was brain dead for 2 years. It was a weird & intense time. And not unlike the menopause brain fog I’m now experiencing 🫥
Yes!! After having my first, I became obsessed with the paradox that anyone who could lucidly write about the postpartum fog must not actually be experiencing it. Made my own attempt to write about it here: http://differentkindofhuman.blogspot.com/2020/08/moments-of-lucidity.html
Glad to see you writing again. Bring on the run on sentences!
Update: caring for post-surgical kitty.
If you take every instance of baby and infant in your essay and replace it with cat, this essay could be about the 24-hour care of my cat who just underwent a partial mastectomy. And it threw me into a chronic illness flare. I give you human mamas a whole lot of respect.
Aw the bit you are in is the best part. Enjoy that snuggle and snuffle as they rest on your chest. I miss it like an ache. Try to carry on not worrying about achieving. The achieving is that you are both mostly clean mostly wearing clothes and mostly fed. 🥰
Life update in five words or less: Glimmer of awakening from wintering.
It's been awhile for me since babies, but I can related to the whole notion of feeling like you're somehow not 'doing' something--even though you are busy doing every moment. Just not the stuff we were taught was valuable. I wish I could go back and not be so hard on myself and enjoy the moments you're describing now. I had no idea how precious and fast they go. I just wanted them to hurry up and be over so I could get back to 'doing' what I thought was so important. Yet, in hindsight, was the least important thing in my life. The beauty of growing older and having the wisdom and insight I completely lacked back then!
It is like being in the washing machine on perpetual rinse!!! I have two or three glistening memories that are clear from that period of time — singing him Dolly Parton, and the one time he took a long enough nap for me to do a full hour of yoga. I found the whole process so confusing and brutal — but I was also deepest in my full identification with productivity as the sole purpose of my existence. I wonder what I would be like if I went through it again now that I’ve had some time to deprogram? Probably still brutal 😂
I love all you described. It brings me back to that magical time of babyhood. The second one’s photo album never did get done for me. Now she’s 30 and I’ve forgotten so much. You are doing the most important thing right now, and there is no need to get anything else done. This magical time is enough in my book. Cherish it now.
Life Update in Five Words: Intentional simplifying to live now
At 16 weeks postpartum I still wasn't capable of writing anything longer than a tweet, and I took notes about the essays I've read so that I wouldn't completely forget that I'd read anything at all. That's when I discovered crocheting, it was the perfect creative act for my mental capacity at that time.
Baby #2 is coming in around a month, and I don't expect myself to think logically for the next half a year, but I'm open to getting pleasantly surprised.
When I feel my baby (1 year this week) taking over the space where my _wits_ would normally be, I like to imagine that what I am doing—teaching his little brain that he is safe—is creative work.
Update: bipolar, started night weaning, scared
Congrats Rachel on getting anything written with a new baby! You’re absolutely right: time just melts when you’re taking care of the kids. Days just disappear when I’m taking care of my toddlers (2 and 3). Trying to maintain a writing schedule along with work and caretaking is very difficult indeed. Looking forward to reading more of your work!
Rachel! I’m 4 weeks postpartum and this. is. IT! One giant run-on sentence. I keep referencing photos of baby #1 to reconstruct a timeline for when things started feeling normal again?! Thank you for putting pen to paper on this ♥️
Thank you for sharing your honest thoughts. So refreshing.
One bit of wisdom from a newly crowned grandma...
Consider viewing things that "should be done" or "have to ..." as things that you "get" to do (like it's an honor or privilege). Things may still not get done, but the smiles that come from being in control are precious.