When yesterday’s triumph no longer matters and tomorrow’s may be pipped by another velociraptor, can anyone belong? Can anyone wear a crown beyond Queen of the Barleycorn, about to be cut down so their blood enriches the soil?
Sometimes I really do wonder if it's the water or the duck. Is it the environment or the person in the environment? Is it both? Why was the duck in crocodile-infested waters to begin with? I ask myself this a lot, especially in the context of how everywhere I turn, I sense an invitation to "normalize" and dive head first back into deadly waters.
To answer your question, I've never felt so unqualified to be a human being as when month 5 of quiet, serene mountain living had passed, and I was still jumping as if crocodiles were nipping at my heels. I thought I had left those waters, but I was still running for my life.
I sense this piece is a framework for something you're casting into the future. It's really fertile. Feels like if farming were writing.
I DEFINITELY agree it's the water more than the duck, though perhaps some ducks have a predisposition for thrashing about trying to go faster (and perhaps those are the ducks that make their way to the Stanford waters in the first place?)
Sigh, yes. I have been out of the formal rat race for just over two years, and if I check in with my nervous system I usually find pretty tense muscles, shallow breathing, and a vague sense that I'm not going fast enough.
And thanks for the encouragement, always much appreciated. I really like to think of draft work as soil from which something can grow, so I LOVE that you used that analogy.
Thank you! I really appreciate you taking that time to give this encouragement! I have only read my writing out loud once a long time ago, but it would be fun to do it more.
A catered morning tea was usually a sign that my workplace had made some decision that had screwed most of the staff over. Nothing like a good array of fried and sugar-ladder food to boost morale...
Love the invite in your comments section 😍 ... An entire team was brought in to replace me and my team. That was the agenda but what was shared with us was that it was the “support” that we needed.
It was both hilarious and horrifying to watch this new team who were sent in to screw us over, screw the whole company over. Couldn’t believe it was happening right before my eyes. Meanwhile my mental and physical health was rapidly deteriorating until there was nothing left of it.
Thank you. It’s been on my mind a little recently and I really needed to voice it in a safe space. So thanks for opening up the gift of that. I can see now how it all led to where I am now though, where I am meant to be. So there’s a light to it that I couldn’t see at the time. I’m grateful for all the experience, the good the bad and the ugly.
1. Not long after the last company I worked for was taken over, management installed a $50 microwave in the break room. In retrospect, the saddest thing is that we didn't feel we didn't feel that we had the agency just to bring one in.
2. I have rarely managed the serene on the outside part.
Ha maybe. The lake I lived on in NJ had ducks. And a snapping turtle. The ducklings would just disappear under the surface. I think maybe only human animals get themselves in that kind of mess.
I worked for a big bank where the head of corporate HR did not book a big enough conference room so that all staff could fit inside to be told there was a job spill of 60% of their team. Most heard via whispers passed back down the hall. The faux concern failed to land that day. The distress was communicated throughout rest of the corporate workforce in tower via the limited number of lifts. Special.
Thank you for this great insight. I have been thinking for almost an hour on the bad things I could share, but everytime I find a story or comment, theres a momma bear that made the story have a happy twist, and that made realize, I became one…
Several years ago, at my last employee evaluation at a big company, my manager was finishing up and just said it like this:
Manager: … and I want to say, you are an amazing employee …
- dramatic pause while he takes his hands to his temples-
Manager: But God forbid someone messes with your people
They were in the shape of little 'houses'. Seats inside with little triangular rooves so we could have break out meetings or work alone.
Most people thought they weren't finished; that we were in the middle of renovation. But no, the chipboard was meant to be 'hip'?
So if we needed time away from the open plan office (even though these had open sides in the open plan office) we could go and sit in a chipboard box with no lights to work instead.
When yesterday’s triumph no longer matters and tomorrow’s may be pipped by another velociraptor, can anyone belong? Can anyone wear a crown beyond Queen of the Barleycorn, about to be cut down so their blood enriches the soil?
This comment is so good
Powerful writing, Rae. I can’t wait till the chapter where you answer your what would it take question!
:) Thank you. I also look forward to that chapter.
Everyone, please say hello to MY DAD and welcome him to the comments section!!
Sometimes I really do wonder if it's the water or the duck. Is it the environment or the person in the environment? Is it both? Why was the duck in crocodile-infested waters to begin with? I ask myself this a lot, especially in the context of how everywhere I turn, I sense an invitation to "normalize" and dive head first back into deadly waters.
To answer your question, I've never felt so unqualified to be a human being as when month 5 of quiet, serene mountain living had passed, and I was still jumping as if crocodiles were nipping at my heels. I thought I had left those waters, but I was still running for my life.
I sense this piece is a framework for something you're casting into the future. It's really fertile. Feels like if farming were writing.
I DEFINITELY agree it's the water more than the duck, though perhaps some ducks have a predisposition for thrashing about trying to go faster (and perhaps those are the ducks that make their way to the Stanford waters in the first place?)
Sigh, yes. I have been out of the formal rat race for just over two years, and if I check in with my nervous system I usually find pretty tense muscles, shallow breathing, and a vague sense that I'm not going fast enough.
And thanks for the encouragement, always much appreciated. I really like to think of draft work as soil from which something can grow, so I LOVE that you used that analogy.
LOVE the analogy here! 🙏😍
This could be read aloud at a poetry slam. It has that flow. Damn this is a good piece! :D
Thank you! I really appreciate you taking that time to give this encouragement! I have only read my writing out loud once a long time ago, but it would be fun to do it more.
A catered morning tea was usually a sign that my workplace had made some decision that had screwed most of the staff over. Nothing like a good array of fried and sugar-ladder food to boost morale...
UGH
😵😵😵
Love the invite in your comments section 😍 ... An entire team was brought in to replace me and my team. That was the agenda but what was shared with us was that it was the “support” that we needed.
It was both hilarious and horrifying to watch this new team who were sent in to screw us over, screw the whole company over. Couldn’t believe it was happening right before my eyes. Meanwhile my mental and physical health was rapidly deteriorating until there was nothing left of it.
Man, corporate euphemisms really are horrible. I'm so sorry that happened.
Thank you. It’s been on my mind a little recently and I really needed to voice it in a safe space. So thanks for opening up the gift of that. I can see now how it all led to where I am now though, where I am meant to be. So there’s a light to it that I couldn’t see at the time. I’m grateful for all the experience, the good the bad and the ugly.
Likewise!
Ah maybe that’s why I can barely move or walk all the years of treading that water to stay afloat has finally taken its toll were we ever happy?
I love this as one sentence: :all those years have finally taken their toll were we ever happy." SO good.
1. Not long after the last company I worked for was taken over, management installed a $50 microwave in the break room. In retrospect, the saddest thing is that we didn't feel we didn't feel that we had the agency just to bring one in.
2. I have rarely managed the serene on the outside part.
What would be the animal that's frantic on the bottom AND frantic on the top?? A duck being bitten by a shark?
A porcupine comes to mind...
Ha maybe. The lake I lived on in NJ had ducks. And a snapping turtle. The ducklings would just disappear under the surface. I think maybe only human animals get themselves in that kind of mess.
I worked for a big bank where the head of corporate HR did not book a big enough conference room so that all staff could fit inside to be told there was a job spill of 60% of their team. Most heard via whispers passed back down the hall. The faux concern failed to land that day. The distress was communicated throughout rest of the corporate workforce in tower via the limited number of lifts. Special.
OH NO. NO. So bad. Conference room size: pretty basic. You have to really not care much to let that scenario happen.
Thank you for this great insight. I have been thinking for almost an hour on the bad things I could share, but everytime I find a story or comment, theres a momma bear that made the story have a happy twist, and that made realize, I became one…
Several years ago, at my last employee evaluation at a big company, my manager was finishing up and just said it like this:
Manager: … and I want to say, you are an amazing employee …
- dramatic pause while he takes his hands to his temples-
Manager: But God forbid someone messes with your people
Me: … then why do they mess with my people?…
Ah mama bear!! I think having a mama bear manager is possibly the best gift.
In a previous office we had booths installed made of chipboard. (Like this https://www.homebase.co.uk/building-hardware/timber/sheet-materials/osb-chipboard.list)
They were in the shape of little 'houses'. Seats inside with little triangular rooves so we could have break out meetings or work alone.
Most people thought they weren't finished; that we were in the middle of renovation. But no, the chipboard was meant to be 'hip'?
So if we needed time away from the open plan office (even though these had open sides in the open plan office) we could go and sit in a chipboard box with no lights to work instead.
Perks