Jul 6, 2023·edited Jul 6, 2023Liked by Rachel Katz
I love the idea of soft confidence. I might spend two percent of my time there. I feel it as a kind of flow state.
Although, like you, I've written all my life, most of it was strictly functional technical writing. A handful of years ago I discovered the genre of creative nonfiction. I found myself reading scientists who wrote in the first person and placed themselves in the narrative. My first reaction was "wait, what, you can do that?" My second was "I want to do that". And so I started to write. (An aside here. All the writers I enjoy in this genre are women. Many identify as neurodivergent. Men who try this , the ones who get published anyway, tend to show up in their own stories as action heroes. 📌)
I have no rhythm (in writing!)
My failures so far have been not to be accepted into a couple of workshops I applied to. It's ok. I want to write in that mythical field beyond success and failure. And between confidence and humility!
Such an interesting observation about the men showing up more as heroes...sigh...I know that other types of men exist and can write, and they need you to rep them!!
Rae, I LOVE this take! I am going to add in "soft confidence" when I talk with my clients about nervous system regulation. Right now I refer to it as "calm confidence", but your view adds additional insight. In states of calm (or soft) confidence, we are our most connected, healthy, productive, resourceful, approachable...in short, BEST... version of self. This directly relates to nervous system regulation and resilience ("successfully" navigating stress & trauma), so if you are chronically stressed or dealing with trauma, be aware that soft confidence if going to be a challenge!
Wow, such an interesting connection to nervous system regulation (which is also an area of interest for me!). Makes sense that in a dysregulated state you would not be able to free soft/calm confidence. Thanks for writing!
It has taken me quite a lot of failures elsewhere to let go of my ego enough to put my writing into the world. I never seriously considered writing until recently but like you I realized I’ve been writing in my head this whole time - I just didn’t have a focus or an outlet. Substack maybe saved my life.
I love this soft confidence. It perfectly describes where I would choose to be. Confident that my artwork is full of beauty and meaning and being personally in love with my work, but with no expectation that anyone else should also love it. It’s enough that I do.
Well said Rae! Soft confidence is a learned skill that, I believe, comes from a deep inner knowing of what's important to us and who we are. This knowledge allows us to set clear, respectful boundaries and walk through our days with personal integrity which, as you said, requires constant calibration. Perhaps that's where it gets a little sticky? Shifting comes after we learn so if we aren't willing to accept a beginner's mind, at least some of the time, it's less likely our sense of confidence will be soft.
I was actually ruminating the other day about how my writing 'ambitions' have morphed and changed a lot in the time I've been writing. Arguably for me this has been around a decade. There was a time when being a published novelist was THE DREAM. Whilst my writing has remained a constant, that dream does not burn as intensely as it once did. Although I'd still like it to happen one day. I love how you talk about the cumulative effect of our writing or other pursuits. There can often be a feeling of 'wasted time', but if we think of it this way, not a single word or idea daydream is wasted. I also feel very fortunate to have writing as my creative outlet.
I also feel so fortunate to be writing! I can't even imagine how much more rich the endeavor will be in twenty years or thirty years. In a culture full of "30 under 30" BS, I really like how writing genuinely matures over decades.
I feel like journaling is the bedrock of any type of public writing, at least for me. Gott have somewhere to just barf up everything and see what comes :)
I think writing has been my personal confidence source as well. Also, weirdly enough, just being able to advise friends. (Even though my life is a mess)
I've been writing on and off since I was 11. I launched a wordpress blog when I was 17 and spent more time writing blogs than my SOPs (I still don't know which would have been better).
I didn't know how to 'use' my writing but I knew it was my skill and a way to digest the world for myself.
Big failures:
1. Got fired from my first (and only job) that too in consulting, so this past year was very fun
2. Didn't get into any 'good' college for my undergrad, which 10 years later, I still feel the pinch from it. I don't think it will ever leave me.
3. Tried to launch a business around case interviews but then in January realised I actually..hate case interviews and I don't want to build a business around it.
Now I write my substack and figuring out each day at a time (or get more confused haha)
Love this POV! I started studying Japanese again this year, and would do it for like, at least 10-15 minutes per day. Now it’s 20. Bit by bit I know more and more than I did a year ago, ya know?
This piece is a lovely reminder to be gentle with ourselves!
I remember with writing, I had gotten deep into the regurgitating business tips life on my old blog and I did it so much that I lost my writing voice! I felt like Disney’s Ariel from the Little Mermaid! My writing became SO sterile and uncreative.
I ended up taking a writing workshop from a nurturing writer I love and it felt like a balm and I was SO relieved to be able to write again! Whew!
Now I’m taking a break from the newsletter to try and figure out my next angle/chapter for it. I want to write better quality pieces. Have a better focus... hmmm... we’ll see!
I love the idea of soft confidence. Soft strength is something I’ve been ruminating on a lot the past few years. That feels like something in the same vein. It’s almost like the adage “all things in moderation.” Finding balance in all things gives us the best of those things.
I love the idea of soft confidence. I might spend two percent of my time there. I feel it as a kind of flow state.
Although, like you, I've written all my life, most of it was strictly functional technical writing. A handful of years ago I discovered the genre of creative nonfiction. I found myself reading scientists who wrote in the first person and placed themselves in the narrative. My first reaction was "wait, what, you can do that?" My second was "I want to do that". And so I started to write. (An aside here. All the writers I enjoy in this genre are women. Many identify as neurodivergent. Men who try this , the ones who get published anyway, tend to show up in their own stories as action heroes. 📌)
I have no rhythm (in writing!)
My failures so far have been not to be accepted into a couple of workshops I applied to. It's ok. I want to write in that mythical field beyond success and failure. And between confidence and humility!
Such an interesting observation about the men showing up more as heroes...sigh...I know that other types of men exist and can write, and they need you to rep them!!
I'd love to read them!
I love that you want to write in that mythical field beyond success & failure! Well said.
Rae, I LOVE this take! I am going to add in "soft confidence" when I talk with my clients about nervous system regulation. Right now I refer to it as "calm confidence", but your view adds additional insight. In states of calm (or soft) confidence, we are our most connected, healthy, productive, resourceful, approachable...in short, BEST... version of self. This directly relates to nervous system regulation and resilience ("successfully" navigating stress & trauma), so if you are chronically stressed or dealing with trauma, be aware that soft confidence if going to be a challenge!
Wow, such an interesting connection to nervous system regulation (which is also an area of interest for me!). Makes sense that in a dysregulated state you would not be able to free soft/calm confidence. Thanks for writing!
It has taken me quite a lot of failures elsewhere to let go of my ego enough to put my writing into the world. I never seriously considered writing until recently but like you I realized I’ve been writing in my head this whole time - I just didn’t have a focus or an outlet. Substack maybe saved my life.
Quite the testimonial fo Substack! I'm so happy to hear it!
I love this soft confidence. It perfectly describes where I would choose to be. Confident that my artwork is full of beauty and meaning and being personally in love with my work, but with no expectation that anyone else should also love it. It’s enough that I do.
Such a fantastic intention for artistic work!
Soft confidence is good for your cognitive health in the long term.Period ! Eventually your body health enhances too !😀
Amen!
Well said Rae! Soft confidence is a learned skill that, I believe, comes from a deep inner knowing of what's important to us and who we are. This knowledge allows us to set clear, respectful boundaries and walk through our days with personal integrity which, as you said, requires constant calibration. Perhaps that's where it gets a little sticky? Shifting comes after we learn so if we aren't willing to accept a beginner's mind, at least some of the time, it's less likely our sense of confidence will be soft.
Interesting, maybe the ability to summon the beginners mind is what distinguishes the kind of confidence that I hate and the kind that I like :)
This was a great read. Thank you for sharing
Thanks for reading Briana!
I think I’ve been searching for this term “soft confidence” my whole life. Thank you for hitting the nail on the head.
Ah amazing! It makes me so happy to hear this!
Wow, this really speaks to me, Rae.
I was actually ruminating the other day about how my writing 'ambitions' have morphed and changed a lot in the time I've been writing. Arguably for me this has been around a decade. There was a time when being a published novelist was THE DREAM. Whilst my writing has remained a constant, that dream does not burn as intensely as it once did. Although I'd still like it to happen one day. I love how you talk about the cumulative effect of our writing or other pursuits. There can often be a feeling of 'wasted time', but if we think of it this way, not a single word or idea daydream is wasted. I also feel very fortunate to have writing as my creative outlet.
I also feel so fortunate to be writing! I can't even imagine how much more rich the endeavor will be in twenty years or thirty years. In a culture full of "30 under 30" BS, I really like how writing genuinely matures over decades.
Ooh yes. What a great thought.
Exciting!
Thank you for giving that constant balancing act between arrogance and humility a word(s) :)
<3 My pleasure! Thanks for reading.
Hi Rae, am enjoying you bringing us along on your journey! I'm somewhere in the back!
I'm kind of delving into public writing with wariness. So many things to say, to whom, about what--a little like holding back a dam.
I've journaled on and off for the longest time, often when I need perspective; which means I should journal more, and I should have more perspective.
It is cool you had the experience of a start up--just doing that, respect.
Anyways, here we are; write away!
I feel like journaling is the bedrock of any type of public writing, at least for me. Gott have somewhere to just barf up everything and see what comes :)
Great thoughts here. It’s so helpful to celebrate consistency!
YES...slow consistency is not something that is super celebrated in our culture.
I think writing has been my personal confidence source as well. Also, weirdly enough, just being able to advise friends. (Even though my life is a mess)
I've been writing on and off since I was 11. I launched a wordpress blog when I was 17 and spent more time writing blogs than my SOPs (I still don't know which would have been better).
I didn't know how to 'use' my writing but I knew it was my skill and a way to digest the world for myself.
Big failures:
1. Got fired from my first (and only job) that too in consulting, so this past year was very fun
2. Didn't get into any 'good' college for my undergrad, which 10 years later, I still feel the pinch from it. I don't think it will ever leave me.
3. Tried to launch a business around case interviews but then in January realised I actually..hate case interviews and I don't want to build a business around it.
Now I write my substack and figuring out each day at a time (or get more confused haha)
Love this POV! I started studying Japanese again this year, and would do it for like, at least 10-15 minutes per day. Now it’s 20. Bit by bit I know more and more than I did a year ago, ya know?
This piece is a lovely reminder to be gentle with ourselves!
I remember with writing, I had gotten deep into the regurgitating business tips life on my old blog and I did it so much that I lost my writing voice! I felt like Disney’s Ariel from the Little Mermaid! My writing became SO sterile and uncreative.
I ended up taking a writing workshop from a nurturing writer I love and it felt like a balm and I was SO relieved to be able to write again! Whew!
Now I’m taking a break from the newsletter to try and figure out my next angle/chapter for it. I want to write better quality pieces. Have a better focus... hmmm... we’ll see!
I love the idea of soft confidence. Soft strength is something I’ve been ruminating on a lot the past few years. That feels like something in the same vein. It’s almost like the adage “all things in moderation.” Finding balance in all things gives us the best of those things.