Very ambitious and very ill
Emma Simpson tells her children that "there's always another way"
Welcome back to the Lady’s Illness Library! As
said to me, “autoimmune diseases always seem to strike the coolest and most interesting women!” So that’s what we’re doing here, talking to them!“Cool and interesting” definitely describes
, our guest this week. Emma is a delightfully personable and extremely driven woman whose career as an air traffic controller was cut short by a constellation of symptoms: chronic fatigue, anxiety, fibromyalgia, vertigo and more. In the darkest period of her life, Emma turned to open water swimming, and she began writing seriously. She got her first book deal at age fifty-one. Her book Breaking Waves, exploring the relationship between women and water, comes out next March.Meditation isn’t my thing
There is one part of our conversation that has stuck with me since I spoke with Emma two weeks ago. At one point Emma told me offhandedly that meditation isn’t her thing right now, and also that she’s just not a morning person.
These little comments stood out to me because they are the opposite of what I often hear in conversations about living with chronic illness. Even when I am trying remain open and curious, I am often silently registering a list of “should’s”: I should eat more green vegetables, I should go outside more, I should sit less. This particular one, “I should meditate,” has long been a mental loop for me. I know meditation is great for a lot of people like me. But it hasn’t clicked in my life, and that has generally made me feel bad.
So it was refreshing to hear Emma’s attitude: mediation isn’t for me right now! She highlighted both that this is fine, and also that it doesn’t mean meditation will never be right for her, just not right now. In our conversation, Emma talks about how it was so liberating for her to give up the morning routine that she “should do”: get up, drink tea, do yoga stretches, write morning pages…whatever it was.
The goal of all these shenanigans is to get into a calmed mental state and create a mindset where the world is bright and full of possibilities. But the activities that achieve that state are different for each person, and that’s easy to forget. Emma has other activities in her life that get her there–for her, it’s open water swimming and free writing.
This was such a good reminder for me that the menu of options is long, and the goal is to find what works for me, not what works for someone else or even for most people. And what works also changes over time. There is no final, perfect morning routine for everyone forever—it sounds obvious when you write it out like that—but you might be fooled into thinking there is if you ever read the internet.
There’s so much good stuff in here, about wild swimming and ambition and talking about work and rest with our kids. I hope you enjoy it! Listen by clicking play below.
✏️ Meet me in the comments!
Is there a common wellness practice that really doesn’t work for you?
What activities get you into that calm, vibrant state of being?
😊 Emma’s links
Substack: Lemon Soul
Book: Breaking Waves
Instagram: @emmasimpsonauthor
I love this segment. The title "very ambitious and very ill" resonates so deep within me, I almost cried just seeing the email.
Thank you Emma, for sharing your story. And thank you, Rachel, for capturing it for us. <3
Every letter feels like a spark that brings me back to myself. This letter today is so aptly timed in my personal life of having founded a magazine and after three issues, choosing to close it. Finding acceptance that my illness does require me to choose between the things I love is grief and gratitude colliding. You feature so many wonderful and interesting women who struggle in the same way as I do. It makes me feel like my illness doesn't have to be all I see of myself.