Thank you for being so vulnerable and authentic. I'm working on a story now called "An Ode to Sleep" and reflecting on my time when I fancied myself an entrepreneur in my 20s, too important and too busy for such frivolous pastimes as sleeping. Then I had kids and realized that while sleep deprivation in the name of Achievement is a badge of honor, sleep deprivation in the name of Caregiving is just tiresome, and no one wants to hear about it. It's not until I experienced the latter that I realized how ridiculous our culture of overachievement is, how we neglect our own health and our community health in the name of glory and wealth, all the while trying to convince ourselves that whatever product, app, or service we're peddling is actually life-changing, paradigm-shifting, the pinnacle of innovation. I believe more women, especially, need to speak up rather than trying to fit ourselves into pre-conceived notions of how leaders or entrepreneurs "should" act. That's what I'm trying to do on Substack, and I'm grateful for your company!
Brilliant piece of writing that really resonated for me. “Our collective love has been wildly misappropriated, particularly in Silicon Valley, but also all over the place” is so terribly, terribly true. Money confers virtue, intelligence, and sheer “rightness” on the holder in a way that defies logic, especially when absolutely heroic counter-examples walk among us every day. I have come across a great many naked emperors in Silicon Valley in my 30+ years here.
I feel sad you were so hard on yourself. Your questions have me thinking about my relationship with money, wealth is an unattainable goal for me. I would say that I would feel that it is enough just to pay for my living and bills, but I know I would like a little more just to feel more secure and maybe allow me to have another horse (I’ve lost mine to old age and miss that companionship.) My view of “class” has never been linked to wealth as much as to how one presents themselves to society, in other words, projecting taste and kindness and charity. It’s how one acts. Money doesn’t change who you are inside. I hope you are much nicer to yourself now, and enjoy the ease you have in your life now. You did earn it even if the cost was high. There’s no changing the past. Live for the now.
Thank you for your essay and your good questions. I became aware of class at school. Middle class was clearly better than working class. I remember crying because my Dad wore a blue shirt to work, which made him blue collar. I felt ashamed and ashamed of my shame, which I now see was projected onto me by the judgement of teachers and textbooks.
I’ve thought a lot about money in my life. Enough to cover basic needs today and the trust this is likely to continue, plus a bit to blow (relatively guilt free) on things that give us joy seems to be a sweet spot.
It surprises me that there’s an unease when people say: “I want to be rich enough to cover my family’s medical needs without sacrifice” but a celebration when someone says “I want to be a billionaire” or “I want to take a year off and indulge in the trip of a lifetime”.
Hunger for love / wealth / social capital always reminds me of the song “Do You Know Who I Am” from the film Goddess
This was a wonderful and validating read. I particularly agree with your statement that greed is not going to benefit feminism. I think instead of striving to be like men, or as a capitalist-patriarchal society has pushed men to be greedy, aggressive, etc, we should rethink of ways to establish businesses that are based on ethics, diversity, inclusivity, and focus on the incorporating practices that benefit one's mental health in a positive way. I vehemently disagree with the CEO who tears up newspapers in the name of ruthless business being the best practice for accumulating wealth. Money should not be valued above all else. Rather creating a business that can truly benefit society should be the main goal. Which seems that intuitively it is since we are all so focused on the why which has little mention of capital.
I love this line of writing, Rachel. These are such critical issues, and almost taboo. That's a feature, not a bug. We're not supposed to notice that these emperors are naked but for a billion dollar fig leaf.
💰 Have you investigated your own desire for wealth? If so, what did you find?
It's more a need then a desire. We're responsible for our own healthcare, retirement.
🤲 How do you determine what is “enough”? What does it look and feel like to you?
Enough not to live in precarity, to be able to retire, own a modest home, maintain my physical and emotional health.
🏡 When did you first become aware of class?
I was born in England. I don't remember not being aware of class. But class in England is not the same as money, although the overlap is almost complete.
You've done what you needed to do to survive. Me too, and I share your feelings about it. Maybe what we're feeling is survivor guilt. It's impossible to survive in this economy without doing some harm. May the good we do outweigh the harm. May our compassion outweigh the suffering we have caused. And may we forgive ourselves.
"The best I can do now is avoid falling for it again". Perhaps the best thing you can do is to continue to write in this way, against the crazy solipsism of wealth and materialism that engulfs swathes of our societies?
I found myself almost laughing aloud at the question about class: as John Lovie says, if you are born in England, class is the water you swim in. The desire to maintain class differences on the part of the "upper classes" is almost as vicious, and certainly as visceral, as the pursuit of wealth in the country. It's just better hidden and dressed up in sentimental appeals to false, romanticised notions of our history.
I've written recently about money and class. It's the third rail, thus fascinating. I intend to keep exploring it.
I was aware of class from an early age as my parents were wealthy as were their parents and grandparents. My goal was to continue that tradition of material success, which I've achieved.
I question the source and fairness of my success all the time.
You are incredibly vulnerable and honest and it’s ok you “made your bed.” Thank you for sharing this perspective, especially since we so often look up to these startup entrepreneurs, particularly women, and think they must have it all. We intellectually know that isn’t the case but when we see it from afar, we make quick assumptions. Startup founders are people too!
Interesting story. Enough money buys freedom. You know you have enough when you can live the life you please without stressing about where you’ll get your next meal. The dollar amount depends on where and how you live. A Honda will get you to the grocery store as well as a Porsche. Depends on what your ego allows. In America, once we have enough money we are free to pursue other dreams. In countries that do not provide freedom to their citizens, such as Hong Kong, money is the only dream. They don’t know what it means to have any other dream. So in America having enough money gives you the freedom to pursue your dreams other than money. “The pursuit of happiness.” That is what is meant by the “American Dream.”
Do you think that if a holistic approach with your education would have made a difference in the outcome?
I have read similar instances of young tech professionals taking themselves to the brink in efforts for success.
Now I am leaning towards the importance of teaching physical, emotional, social and spiritual wellbeing skills being taught along with the traditional education subjects.
This is the most real founder tale I've ever seen. Keep it up.
Thank you for being so vulnerable and authentic. I'm working on a story now called "An Ode to Sleep" and reflecting on my time when I fancied myself an entrepreneur in my 20s, too important and too busy for such frivolous pastimes as sleeping. Then I had kids and realized that while sleep deprivation in the name of Achievement is a badge of honor, sleep deprivation in the name of Caregiving is just tiresome, and no one wants to hear about it. It's not until I experienced the latter that I realized how ridiculous our culture of overachievement is, how we neglect our own health and our community health in the name of glory and wealth, all the while trying to convince ourselves that whatever product, app, or service we're peddling is actually life-changing, paradigm-shifting, the pinnacle of innovation. I believe more women, especially, need to speak up rather than trying to fit ourselves into pre-conceived notions of how leaders or entrepreneurs "should" act. That's what I'm trying to do on Substack, and I'm grateful for your company!
Brilliant piece of writing that really resonated for me. “Our collective love has been wildly misappropriated, particularly in Silicon Valley, but also all over the place” is so terribly, terribly true. Money confers virtue, intelligence, and sheer “rightness” on the holder in a way that defies logic, especially when absolutely heroic counter-examples walk among us every day. I have come across a great many naked emperors in Silicon Valley in my 30+ years here.
I feel sad you were so hard on yourself. Your questions have me thinking about my relationship with money, wealth is an unattainable goal for me. I would say that I would feel that it is enough just to pay for my living and bills, but I know I would like a little more just to feel more secure and maybe allow me to have another horse (I’ve lost mine to old age and miss that companionship.) My view of “class” has never been linked to wealth as much as to how one presents themselves to society, in other words, projecting taste and kindness and charity. It’s how one acts. Money doesn’t change who you are inside. I hope you are much nicer to yourself now, and enjoy the ease you have in your life now. You did earn it even if the cost was high. There’s no changing the past. Live for the now.
Thank you for your essay and your good questions. I became aware of class at school. Middle class was clearly better than working class. I remember crying because my Dad wore a blue shirt to work, which made him blue collar. I felt ashamed and ashamed of my shame, which I now see was projected onto me by the judgement of teachers and textbooks.
I’ve thought a lot about money in my life. Enough to cover basic needs today and the trust this is likely to continue, plus a bit to blow (relatively guilt free) on things that give us joy seems to be a sweet spot.
It surprises me that there’s an unease when people say: “I want to be rich enough to cover my family’s medical needs without sacrifice” but a celebration when someone says “I want to be a billionaire” or “I want to take a year off and indulge in the trip of a lifetime”.
Hunger for love / wealth / social capital always reminds me of the song “Do You Know Who I Am” from the film Goddess
https://youtu.be/bPMX0iwMZwk?si=3Yw5GlX23HcPZAgB
This was a wonderful and validating read. I particularly agree with your statement that greed is not going to benefit feminism. I think instead of striving to be like men, or as a capitalist-patriarchal society has pushed men to be greedy, aggressive, etc, we should rethink of ways to establish businesses that are based on ethics, diversity, inclusivity, and focus on the incorporating practices that benefit one's mental health in a positive way. I vehemently disagree with the CEO who tears up newspapers in the name of ruthless business being the best practice for accumulating wealth. Money should not be valued above all else. Rather creating a business that can truly benefit society should be the main goal. Which seems that intuitively it is since we are all so focused on the why which has little mention of capital.
I love this line of writing, Rachel. These are such critical issues, and almost taboo. That's a feature, not a bug. We're not supposed to notice that these emperors are naked but for a billion dollar fig leaf.
💰 Have you investigated your own desire for wealth? If so, what did you find?
It's more a need then a desire. We're responsible for our own healthcare, retirement.
🤲 How do you determine what is “enough”? What does it look and feel like to you?
Enough not to live in precarity, to be able to retire, own a modest home, maintain my physical and emotional health.
🏡 When did you first become aware of class?
I was born in England. I don't remember not being aware of class. But class in England is not the same as money, although the overlap is almost complete.
You've done what you needed to do to survive. Me too, and I share your feelings about it. Maybe what we're feeling is survivor guilt. It's impossible to survive in this economy without doing some harm. May the good we do outweigh the harm. May our compassion outweigh the suffering we have caused. And may we forgive ourselves.
A great essay, Rachel.
"The best I can do now is avoid falling for it again". Perhaps the best thing you can do is to continue to write in this way, against the crazy solipsism of wealth and materialism that engulfs swathes of our societies?
I found myself almost laughing aloud at the question about class: as John Lovie says, if you are born in England, class is the water you swim in. The desire to maintain class differences on the part of the "upper classes" is almost as vicious, and certainly as visceral, as the pursuit of wealth in the country. It's just better hidden and dressed up in sentimental appeals to false, romanticised notions of our history.
Your honest perspectives are so valuable.
I've written recently about money and class. It's the third rail, thus fascinating. I intend to keep exploring it.
I was aware of class from an early age as my parents were wealthy as were their parents and grandparents. My goal was to continue that tradition of material success, which I've achieved.
I question the source and fairness of my success all the time.
You are incredibly vulnerable and honest and it’s ok you “made your bed.” Thank you for sharing this perspective, especially since we so often look up to these startup entrepreneurs, particularly women, and think they must have it all. We intellectually know that isn’t the case but when we see it from afar, we make quick assumptions. Startup founders are people too!
Interesting story. Enough money buys freedom. You know you have enough when you can live the life you please without stressing about where you’ll get your next meal. The dollar amount depends on where and how you live. A Honda will get you to the grocery store as well as a Porsche. Depends on what your ego allows. In America, once we have enough money we are free to pursue other dreams. In countries that do not provide freedom to their citizens, such as Hong Kong, money is the only dream. They don’t know what it means to have any other dream. So in America having enough money gives you the freedom to pursue your dreams other than money. “The pursuit of happiness.” That is what is meant by the “American Dream.”
Thank you for the share it was enlightening.
I do have a question...
Do you think that if a holistic approach with your education would have made a difference in the outcome?
I have read similar instances of young tech professionals taking themselves to the brink in efforts for success.
Now I am leaning towards the importance of teaching physical, emotional, social and spiritual wellbeing skills being taught along with the traditional education subjects.
Interested in any thoughts.
Deeply relatable, powerful essay!! thanks Rae!