I am a mother and a writer. I stopped practicing law when my second son was born. We have the money to pay someone to clean our house (weekly) and a sitter to mind my infant son so I can work for a few hours a day. (I agree that, as a writer, that's plenty.) Every morning I wake up and feel my heart swell with gratitude for these people, whose work I believe mothers me so I can better mother the kids. But: there will always be laundry. And dishes. And toothpaste foam pocked with cereal crumbs crusting on the bathroom sink. Who are these unicorns who can outsource every household task? In my experience, if there are children, the mess is a 24/7 event. I guess I don't feel bad about relieving myself of *some of it,* because there's always more to be done. And because I'm not overwhelmed by doing it all & alone, I can also find the meditative enjoyment in these acts of upkeep. I genuinely feel like our home is more integrated when I cook and just last night, doing dishes, I thought: "the soap is so warm on my hands, this is nice." Cleaning a kitchen at the end of the night is enormously satisfying. But that's because I wasn't also cleaning dishes from 7am that had piled up. I guess what I'm saying is part of my privilege is the privilege to enjoy what housework I have.
Beautiful. I get frustrated when people tell me to hire a cleaner, or buy meal prep kits to make my life easier....I like the headspace created while doing 'life maintenance' tasks. Life maintenance once consumed 95% our time and energy.....and it's wonderful that's no longer the case, but we don't need to endlessly attempt to shrink that number.
Clothes go in a cycle from the dryer/ airer to my skin to the washing machine and back again 😅🤷🏻♀️
Being autistic, actually, I find a lot of the ‘third leg’ tasks, if you will, incredibly boring and therefore impossible to do…
I do have a cleaner once a week and my husband actually does a lot of the stuff too. If it was down to me/ when it was down to me it just never happened
Apart from the hoovering , apparently I’m very passionate about that 😂
I love this piece. So thought provoking. I fall on the line between these two tensions. My job is childcare/home help to a family of four. I love my laundry tasks because children’s clothes are cute and cheerful and I find laundry tasks super therapeutic I also get a lot joy helping a busy family kind of keep the life flow going with a few less hiccups. I can definitely understand and see the value of having this kind of help in their home at this season of life
In my own space, however, I do see the value it brings to my life to be hands on with my life tasks. My own laundry is also therapeutic tho not as adorable and I love the feeling of following a task from its beginning to end House work can keep me aware of where I’m accumulating too much stuff. And remind me to be grateful for what I have. Instead of complaining about cleaning the toilet Natasha look at the fact that you HAVE two of them and the marvel of indoor plumbing. Ha! So I guess this has been a long winded way of saying that I can see the uses of both sides of the coin!!
Again great writing and this has been a fun thought provoking conversation
My health would be better if I could afford to hire someone to help with general cleaning and laundry. It would also allow my husband to start fruit and vegetable garden, because he wouldn't have to help me so much. But even if I was a billionaire, I'd still want to cook for myself. There is something so beautiful about having a kitchen counter full of spices and softening butter and vegetables waiting to be chopped. Eating food I've made makes me feel like a superhero. I can feed myself and my family, and that feels So Big. And to do it with homegrown ingredients? I can only imagine.
I love this these thoughts so much. I actually feel like the “mundane tasks” such as laundry, dish washing, etc, actually give my mind spaciousness where I can drop into a meditative state that allows for creative visioning and ideas to full through. I’d imagine If I were writing all day, every day, I’d be bored and not have as much material that the space away from writing or creating itself allows me to have.
That being said, your three-legged idea sounds wonderful. Now if we could pack that into a practical, “how-to” then I could see some liberating potential!
Great piece, Rae. Really thought-provoking and one of my favorites thus far. Your description of spacious living is something that I've only recently discovered how wonderful it to be - the greater capacity for joy when letting go of incessantly striving. Out of curiosity, where do relationships fall in your framework?
To the other point, I have put a lot of effort into tracking how long things actually take, whether it’s transcribing an interview or doing the laundry. It’s often not what I expected! But it’s so useful now, to be able to “math it out” and know whether my plan for the day is realistic.
Fellow ex consultant here (BCG for 6 years 🫠) - I love your notion of the three legs. Focusing exclusively on your „marketable“ skills completely eradicates the beauty of the mundane. My life became infinitely better when I transitioned to a career that allowed me to redistribute my time. More joy. More presence. More idle time. More creativity.
There is a lot not being overtly said here about choice. Both the choice that comes with a stage of life where you have both time and money and can choose whether to do the laundry yourself without running yourself ragged or to outsource and use that time for something else, and also the choice that exists to do a job others see as demeaning but you actually enjoy. I’m in the former stage and ironically I sat down to read this having just ironed and folded all my washing - I like it. It’s a time to listen to a podcast and experience the serenity of putting things in order. But I loathe cleaning and never do it. Currently I outsource it to my husband who happily cleans my mess but if he didn’t feel that way we’d go back to a cleaner the way we did in the past when we were both full time employed. On the second point I’m in this position in part because my Mum was the ‘outsource-ee’. She worked as a cleaner to put me through university. However cleaning/laundry is a task she adores doing. She still asks me if we would find it intrusive if she came and cleaned our house and asks us to bring our washing up when we visit. Not every cleaner is a demeaned person only doing the work they hate but can find ( though sadly many are obviously!)
I appreciate this question and agree that we shouldn’t separate ourselves too much from the work of living. I often think about how outsourcing our trash has turned out for us. It’s so easy to throw things away and forget about the mounds of trash floating in the ocean or buried in the ground.
Laundry… I love clean clothes so I am happy to do it. In my day it was ironing that was a chore. But thank God they make clothes today that don’t need to be ironed. My Mother & sister hated ironing, so I got paid to iron. I got between $0.05 to $0.25 per item. It was in Jr. high in the late 60’s. Everyone loved my ironing & later I found it an insult. Is that what I am good for? Ironing… so folding clean laundry feels good to me. I fold laundry like I did ironing, somewhat perfectly. When I was little my neighbor ironed socks & I said to myself I will never be that woman. You do what you can do and hire a housekeeper if you need to. I did. Love your writing, its most important to be creative.
Maintaining a certain level of order at home is important to me; it frees the mind for other things. I want to lay hands on any object I need whenever I need it, so I can get on with whatever else I'm doing. Since it's up to me to maintain that order, I accept the time it takes to achieve it. I also find that manual work like washing dishes and folding laundry is soothing, almost meditative exercise. Would I give those tasks over to someone else? Sure. And I do, if anyone else is around that's willing. I do them often enough on my own.
I find importance in taking care of my little family (husband & 2 kittens). I love being of service to them, maybe less so when I'm scraping kitten poop off a litter box at 7am or have a migraine but most days there is a sense of pride for those mundane tasks of our lives. Things will certainly be more complicated if/when kids enter the picture but it seems being less connected to the stuff of living is the wrong direction to head - let's let capitalism take the hit instead! ;)
Love this - feels like this is the start of a support group: “I am rich and yes I fold laundry.” The rhythms of life are lived in the pattern of work done to support the ones you love. If that looks like laundry, then good on you.
We are all building and adjusting our own stools as life evolves. Kudos to you for finding passion in writing and being so good at it. Your talents are better served here than making slides for corporations.
I am a mother and a writer. I stopped practicing law when my second son was born. We have the money to pay someone to clean our house (weekly) and a sitter to mind my infant son so I can work for a few hours a day. (I agree that, as a writer, that's plenty.) Every morning I wake up and feel my heart swell with gratitude for these people, whose work I believe mothers me so I can better mother the kids. But: there will always be laundry. And dishes. And toothpaste foam pocked with cereal crumbs crusting on the bathroom sink. Who are these unicorns who can outsource every household task? In my experience, if there are children, the mess is a 24/7 event. I guess I don't feel bad about relieving myself of *some of it,* because there's always more to be done. And because I'm not overwhelmed by doing it all & alone, I can also find the meditative enjoyment in these acts of upkeep. I genuinely feel like our home is more integrated when I cook and just last night, doing dishes, I thought: "the soap is so warm on my hands, this is nice." Cleaning a kitchen at the end of the night is enormously satisfying. But that's because I wasn't also cleaning dishes from 7am that had piled up. I guess what I'm saying is part of my privilege is the privilege to enjoy what housework I have.
Beautiful. I get frustrated when people tell me to hire a cleaner, or buy meal prep kits to make my life easier....I like the headspace created while doing 'life maintenance' tasks. Life maintenance once consumed 95% our time and energy.....and it's wonderful that's no longer the case, but we don't need to endlessly attempt to shrink that number.
I don’t fold laundry 😂
Clothes go in a cycle from the dryer/ airer to my skin to the washing machine and back again 😅🤷🏻♀️
Being autistic, actually, I find a lot of the ‘third leg’ tasks, if you will, incredibly boring and therefore impossible to do…
I do have a cleaner once a week and my husband actually does a lot of the stuff too. If it was down to me/ when it was down to me it just never happened
Apart from the hoovering , apparently I’m very passionate about that 😂
I love this piece. So thought provoking. I fall on the line between these two tensions. My job is childcare/home help to a family of four. I love my laundry tasks because children’s clothes are cute and cheerful and I find laundry tasks super therapeutic I also get a lot joy helping a busy family kind of keep the life flow going with a few less hiccups. I can definitely understand and see the value of having this kind of help in their home at this season of life
In my own space, however, I do see the value it brings to my life to be hands on with my life tasks. My own laundry is also therapeutic tho not as adorable and I love the feeling of following a task from its beginning to end House work can keep me aware of where I’m accumulating too much stuff. And remind me to be grateful for what I have. Instead of complaining about cleaning the toilet Natasha look at the fact that you HAVE two of them and the marvel of indoor plumbing. Ha! So I guess this has been a long winded way of saying that I can see the uses of both sides of the coin!!
Again great writing and this has been a fun thought provoking conversation
My health would be better if I could afford to hire someone to help with general cleaning and laundry. It would also allow my husband to start fruit and vegetable garden, because he wouldn't have to help me so much. But even if I was a billionaire, I'd still want to cook for myself. There is something so beautiful about having a kitchen counter full of spices and softening butter and vegetables waiting to be chopped. Eating food I've made makes me feel like a superhero. I can feed myself and my family, and that feels So Big. And to do it with homegrown ingredients? I can only imagine.
I love this these thoughts so much. I actually feel like the “mundane tasks” such as laundry, dish washing, etc, actually give my mind spaciousness where I can drop into a meditative state that allows for creative visioning and ideas to full through. I’d imagine If I were writing all day, every day, I’d be bored and not have as much material that the space away from writing or creating itself allows me to have.
That being said, your three-legged idea sounds wonderful. Now if we could pack that into a practical, “how-to” then I could see some liberating potential!
Great piece, Rae. Really thought-provoking and one of my favorites thus far. Your description of spacious living is something that I've only recently discovered how wonderful it to be - the greater capacity for joy when letting go of incessantly striving. Out of curiosity, where do relationships fall in your framework?
To the other point, I have put a lot of effort into tracking how long things actually take, whether it’s transcribing an interview or doing the laundry. It’s often not what I expected! But it’s so useful now, to be able to “math it out” and know whether my plan for the day is realistic.
Fellow ex consultant here (BCG for 6 years 🫠) - I love your notion of the three legs. Focusing exclusively on your „marketable“ skills completely eradicates the beauty of the mundane. My life became infinitely better when I transitioned to a career that allowed me to redistribute my time. More joy. More presence. More idle time. More creativity.
There is a lot not being overtly said here about choice. Both the choice that comes with a stage of life where you have both time and money and can choose whether to do the laundry yourself without running yourself ragged or to outsource and use that time for something else, and also the choice that exists to do a job others see as demeaning but you actually enjoy. I’m in the former stage and ironically I sat down to read this having just ironed and folded all my washing - I like it. It’s a time to listen to a podcast and experience the serenity of putting things in order. But I loathe cleaning and never do it. Currently I outsource it to my husband who happily cleans my mess but if he didn’t feel that way we’d go back to a cleaner the way we did in the past when we were both full time employed. On the second point I’m in this position in part because my Mum was the ‘outsource-ee’. She worked as a cleaner to put me through university. However cleaning/laundry is a task she adores doing. She still asks me if we would find it intrusive if she came and cleaned our house and asks us to bring our washing up when we visit. Not every cleaner is a demeaned person only doing the work they hate but can find ( though sadly many are obviously!)
I appreciate this question and agree that we shouldn’t separate ourselves too much from the work of living. I often think about how outsourcing our trash has turned out for us. It’s so easy to throw things away and forget about the mounds of trash floating in the ocean or buried in the ground.
Laundry… I love clean clothes so I am happy to do it. In my day it was ironing that was a chore. But thank God they make clothes today that don’t need to be ironed. My Mother & sister hated ironing, so I got paid to iron. I got between $0.05 to $0.25 per item. It was in Jr. high in the late 60’s. Everyone loved my ironing & later I found it an insult. Is that what I am good for? Ironing… so folding clean laundry feels good to me. I fold laundry like I did ironing, somewhat perfectly. When I was little my neighbor ironed socks & I said to myself I will never be that woman. You do what you can do and hire a housekeeper if you need to. I did. Love your writing, its most important to be creative.
Maintaining a certain level of order at home is important to me; it frees the mind for other things. I want to lay hands on any object I need whenever I need it, so I can get on with whatever else I'm doing. Since it's up to me to maintain that order, I accept the time it takes to achieve it. I also find that manual work like washing dishes and folding laundry is soothing, almost meditative exercise. Would I give those tasks over to someone else? Sure. And I do, if anyone else is around that's willing. I do them often enough on my own.
I find importance in taking care of my little family (husband & 2 kittens). I love being of service to them, maybe less so when I'm scraping kitten poop off a litter box at 7am or have a migraine but most days there is a sense of pride for those mundane tasks of our lives. Things will certainly be more complicated if/when kids enter the picture but it seems being less connected to the stuff of living is the wrong direction to head - let's let capitalism take the hit instead! ;)
Love this - feels like this is the start of a support group: “I am rich and yes I fold laundry.” The rhythms of life are lived in the pattern of work done to support the ones you love. If that looks like laundry, then good on you.
We are all building and adjusting our own stools as life evolves. Kudos to you for finding passion in writing and being so good at it. Your talents are better served here than making slides for corporations.
Think you'll enjoy my piece on McKinsey mercenaries: https://yuribezmenov.substack.com/p/pmc-mckinsey-consultant-pmc-wagner-mercenary